


A Crack in a Dam

by orphan_account



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien has problems, Anorexia, Bulemia, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Suicide, SADrien, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, mama agreste please come back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 04:44:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13069401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: {Spoiler alert: this is really bad}Adrien needs help, but nobody notices. He sees but one way out.





	A Crack in a Dam

Angry tears teased his eyes as Adrien’s knuckles turned white from gripping the edge of the sink.

_He hates you. Everybody does. He’ll love you when you’re thin, not the fat idiot you are now. Your father will love you when you’re thin._

His own mind played tricks on him, teasing him with a promise of love. And he believed it. Moving to the toilet he hastily showed two fingers at his throat. The burning feeling in his chest made him overcome with joy.

“Maybe Ladybug will finally notice you when you’re thin...” He mumbled half-heartedly at the mirror.

_No she won’t. With those stupid puns and flirts? Back off and just let her love someone who deserves her- That being anyone but you._

He dug his nails into his palm, and squeezed his eyes shut. He barely registered Plagg flying into his bathroom, before he whispered, “Claws out.” Adrien ran, he ran across rooftops, streets, in alleys, and he leapt over monuments, before finally resting on the roof of an office building. To any member of the public, it seemed he was searching for criminals. To him, though, he was already fighting.

The toxic thoughts echoed in his mind, urging him to throw himself off of the tall building. Nobody would notice. They said he was ugly, fat, rude, and obnoxious. He would be saving the city of lights from just another monster.

_Do it. Kill yourself. Do it now, while nobody’s around to call the police. I mean, I doubt they would. Who would want to save you, you pathetic little-_

“Chat Noir? You’re early for patrol. And what are you doing here? I thought we agreed on the Eiffel Tower?” Ladybug interrupted his mind.

“Why, I just couldn’t stay away from you, my lady” He winked.

_Stop. She hates you and your flirts._

He bit down on his tongue and forced a smirk as Ladybug rolled her eyes.

“Sure, chaton. You up to go now since we’re both here, though?”

“Absolutely! You want East, I’m assuming?”

“Actually, I was thinking of taking West today. See something new.”

_You’re always wrong. You’re so pathetic._

“Sure.” He smiled, and they left in opposite directions.

Chat Noir had barely made it two blocks away, before black spots bubbled up in his vision. He stumbled backwards and tried to catch his breath, before he remembered the splenda in the hidden pocket of his suit. He hastily scrambled for it before putting half the packet under his tongue. He couldn’t raise suspicion by passing out, or they’d make him eat, and then nobody would love him. If he was thin, maybe his mother…

He took a shuddering breath and continued on, an eye out for crime. His jumps were sloppy, though. As if he didn’t care whether the next step was a rooftop, or if it would send him plummeting to the ground.

“My side was purrfectly fine, m’lady. Any crime on your side?”

_She hates your puns as much as she hates you._

“Nope. I think we’re all clear tonight. See you tomorrow, then?”

“You can count on it.” He said before jumping away.

_No she can’t._

He arrived home in a craze, releasing the transformation before anxiously bounding to his bathroom drawer. He felt around with a need to silence the voices in his head. As he grabbed the blade, he sunk to the floor. He lifted up his shirt to reveal a torso marred with cuts, scabs, and scars. He wanted to cut his arms, but if he had to wear short sleeves for a spring or summer line, he couldn’t risk anyone seeing, and he never did swimsuits anyway. His torso was the perfect place. And as he bled, he felt free.

But it wasn’t enough. He grabbed his knife, and ran up to the rooftop, without realizing the black kwami that followed him. Plagg floated up to his face.

“Adrien, I know what you’re thinking. Please… I’ve lost too many to this… Please...” For once the Kwami seemed genuinely upset.

Adrien pursed his lips, and clenched his fists.

“You don’t need me. Father doesn’t need me, Ladybug doesn’t need me. Nobody needs me. I’m probably the worst Chat Noir to have ever been. Just let me do the world a favor.”

Plagg had barely opened his mouth as Adrien removed his ring, and flung it to the ground.

And with his body light, and his heart heavy, he fell.


End file.
